Rachel, wondering if you still care about this whole thing.
The above isn’t some sort of self pity bullshit feel sorry for me question, it really is what has kept me from writing. OK, maybe that’s a bit much. I think that very wondering about caring is a question that is more directed at me than you dear reader. Ugh, the dreaded plateau, it has descended upon me and I am stuck. Stuck stuck fucking frustratingly stuck.
The motivational notes, no longer motivate. Well they do, sort of, but its more like they taunt me, laugh at my sudden exhaustion and say “see, I knew you couldn’t stick to it.” It’s a slippery slope, fitness and health, and I’ve done some backsliding. So fine, there, I have admitted it. Oh I have no problem pointing out how I’ve fallen off the wagon, and the worst part, I know how to get back on. But seriously, the starting over, the resetting, the bargaining, the cleansing, all of it, I am over it. OVER. IT. Also, I am crabby. And tired. And I need help.
This healthy lifestyle thing, it is a choice. Daily, sometimes even one minute at a time, I make choices about food, exercise, water consumption, protein, sugar, to cream or not to cream my coffee. Today I wanted to choose being in bed at 7pm and ordering a large pizza, delivered thank-you-very-much. I wanted to choose that, but instead talked it out with my love, over a tuna melt she lovingly made for me. She listens to me and loves me when I am like this. I am lucky.
Ratchet is calling me from the other room. I have to get sleep; rest is a huge piece of being healthy and losing weight (though sleep has not helped my chicken wing arms or my good lord please go away flab abs). In a few hours I will get up and meet my trainer and have another chance at starting fresh again. Yes, tomorrow is another day.
Hello friends, I am back.