Rachel at the start of three weeks in
I’ve struggled with my body my whole life. I’ve never been athletic or physically fit (except for that one time, in the army). I was sexually abused as a young person. My boobs grew early—and fast—and I was teased endlessly, mercilessly. My first shaving accident was when I was 9. My body has been my nemesis, my baggage, my point of comparison to everyone else’s beauty for as long as I can remember.
My business is food. My first job was working at Chuck E Cheese as a birthday hostess, hosting children’s birthdays and wearing the mouse outfit for money. In my late 20’s I left the restaurant business to go and work for Jesus, a different but strangely similar kind of work. Still feeding people, but
less crazies drama drunks fewer late nights. My life is and has been all about feeding people, serving up joy and good times along with good food and drinks. I’ve eaten for pleasure and because of my pain. I enjoy culinary adventuring and cooking traditions. The table has always been the center of my world. Food is my life.
At our first meeting Hamish told us that we needed to start eating food as fuel not pleasure.
… STOP …
and try and stop and really take that in. Maybe its not as hard for you, but for me it was like a screetching hault with airbags deploying.
This was the first moment I realized this whole thing was really fucking radical and really fucking nuts. In one sentence he proposed a whole new identity, a shift in how I see, well, everything. Hamish hooked us up with a meal plan and we’ve been experimenting with “fuel” ever since.
I’ve struggled with my depression my whole life. 4 years ago I was despondent, unable to work, hysterical and on the verge of something I was afraid of: the thought that I would never be whole, me, alive and/or happy. I found myself in a chair across the room from a miraculous therapist and healer who started me down a path and helped me find myself. She told me that I was bound for something great, something I could never dream of.
I think she may have been right.