Rachel: post home workout
I’ve mentioned it to friends and coworkers (and anyone who asks really): as of last weigh in I am just 3 pounds shy of losing 60 pounds. Sunday July 14th will mark 6 months into our fitness journey. I never could have imagined we would come this far. By Sunday I hope to have shed those last 3. I think 60 pounds in 6 months has a nice ring to it.
Recently I’ve spent time looking for “before” pictures; the gym we’ve been with “lost” our photos we took with them. Disheartening for sure, but I’ve been able to find a few of my own.
Here’s something I’ve noticed about myself: I don’t have many before pictures, mainly because I delete them. Here’s the thing, when you are fat pictures capture what you actually look like, not the image you see in your head. All along, I never thought I looked huge, just a little ponchy here, and a bit pudgy there—that is—until I see pictures. Then WHOOP, there is is. Additionally, I never thought my sweetie looked fat, she looked as beautiful to me as she ever has. I didn’t see us as “fat people.” But we were. I can see that now.
So here you go friends, a few before pictures from me (Ratchet will post hers before Sunday). The one in the middle bottom with our friend Amy is exactly the weekend before we started. Truly, a right before picture.
When I look at them, I feel sad for her, for me, for knowing somewhere behind those smiles was a bit of sadness that no matter what the angle, I looked bigger than I felt. Then I look at them and think “can you really see the difference?” ’cause it still looks like me, the me I’ve come to accept. I think “I do love her, so much that I am willing to grunt and sweat and forgo cronuts and cookies, hell all sugar just for her.” This body image shit is hard, big or less big, it is just fucking hard.
Some of you saw that video we did when we started working out. In it we were asked what we would say to our 6 month future self. I think I said something like “just keep doing it. Don’t give up and don’t go back. It’s not worth it [grunt puff grunt] going back. Keep going.”
Well said past me, well said.