planning: hold on loosely, but don’t let go

Week 1: always the hardest, in whatever new thing you’re doing. For us, more than once we have struck up a conversation about what we miss and what we can’t wait to eat or do again once this restart is over (lets just say that Bar La Grassa and Burch have come up more than once). At the same time we are trying to focus on what we want/like/enjoy (not what we don’t want, don’t like and don’t enjoy; good ol’ law of attraction stuff). It was out of one of these conversations that we were able to talk about the thing that we think is the key and the lock and the door—the whole dang shabang—of our success.

*You’ve got to make a plan and stick to it! 

On making a plan:  I will be the first to admit that I am swayed happily and easily with the weather patterns of life. I love a dramatic shift in plans (more than I should); the more dramatic the better actually. I am the one you want by your side in a crisis. I had to learn these skills early on in life. And though I didn’t choose this path, its what I’ve got and I really want to wield my powers for good.

Ratchet—from my vantage point—doesn’t share this trait. She is a list maker, a Taurus, strong and convicted, a planner and project manager. She is organized and things in her life have a place and reason for being there. In our marriage she and I have taught each other so much. This key to our success is something that comes to her naturally, and perhaps is obvious to most of you. For me, its revolutionary.

There are a lot of tools out there for making plans. Some do notebooks and food journals, for some myfitnesspal is a lifesaver. I won’t bore you with my opinion who has the right option or idea. I will simply share what works for us here. Like anything else, take it or leave it.

*unless you can’t

So day 1 for us this week. The weather and traffic coming home from work was a serious shit-show. Yes, we planned to go to circuit class at 6:15 Monday night, but the weather, two emergency vehicles, a 3 car spinout and some dumb neighbors crushed that dream. I was so damn crabby I could hardly be around me. I wanted to give up less than a day into the plan and order pizza, watch the West Wing and start over. But, we didn’t. I picked up Ratchet, we went to the damn gym with the rest of the post-resolution population of Minneapolis and ran. No, it wasn’t class as I had hoped, but it was something more than nothing.

Days 3 and 4 each had their fair share of surprises and whooops-a-daisey moments too. But we made this plan, and when a curveball was thrown, we just swung again. We kept swinging. And it wasn’t pretty. We both almost passed out at the new gym class on Wednesday, but we learned that next week we’ve got to up our carbs to be able to make that not happen again. You’ve got to just live and then learn, really learn.

Or better said, you’ve got to hold on–loosely. But don’t let go.

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a bad day

ImageRachel, after a really tough day

On my way home tonight I called Ratchet and asked “can you look online, at that new restaurant up the street,  yeah that one, look at the menu online and see if there might be something we can eat? I need this,” I said.

I need this.

Today, I lost my breakfast after my workout. I lost a relationship with someone I love dearly. I lost my temper and my mind. And all of this, I lost before noon.

So far in this decision to change my life and body I have had mostly “win” days. Fewer pounds, HUGE encouragement, support support support on all sides. Today, life just handed me a wallop of whoop ass and at the end of the day my body screamed “feed me!” It wasn’t asking for brown rice and lean turkey. It wanted a big glass of lovely and red, paired with something warm, melty & cheesey, dripping with some sauce or another. Hell, it wanted pie, a gigantic piece of pie.

Ratchet broke the news “No, there is nothing we can have there. Not yet.” Ugh, a crushing blow. I actually felt the “no” in all of my body, it ached, burned.

B  R  E  A  T  H  E  and …

I am an emotional eater. Today was made for excuses and “rewards.” It’s the first one I’ve had and I am sure not my last. So I came home, grabbed some white fish, lemon and salad greens and gave thanks for my beloved, for my team of cheerleaders and friends, and for me. Turns out this was a win day. I said no—with help—and I learned that I can do this.